Stupid Rekha!

She has been making a fucking mess in my mind through my ears by singing "Phir le aya dil"... 

Damn that song.

Damn you Sayeed Quadri(lyricist).

And you stupid, stupid Rekha Bhardwaj.

Oh man! "Phir le aya dil" is on the loop since eternity. I so wanna stop listening to it.

But "Ki karan... Control nai hunda".

Is it a sad song: "nay".

Is it a happy song: "nay".

This is just a in-between song.

This is the song the defines my state of mind or maybe her's as well.

Raas na aya rehna door.

Really raas na aya. And damn what the heart wants. Damn what the heart says.

It is taking its toll on my life.

Kismat ko yehi manzoor kya kije

Milte rahe hum badastoor kya kije

This line especially is like hitting the bullseye.

Why kismat? Why? I wanna ask you. Why on earth are you playing such games.

And if there is anything left to burn, or be destroyed.

This line 

Usko mussalsal kar bhi aao wo jo aadhuri se aas baki hai 

Is putting more fuel to all ready raging fire.

Patronus

My head says - "Who cares..."
But then my heart whispers -"You do...Stupid"

She said Expecto Patronum and  suddenly everything seems to be at right place and all dementors ran for their money along with all the worrisome and disturbing thoughts and all the clouds of doubts drifted away and she is headed toward perpetually eternal peace.

Today, even if you come throw stones at her, she'll  simply duck and smile. Mostly, cause she is at peace. She is at peace. You say 'war', she say 'peace'. You are 'pissed', She is 'peaced'. They ate 'pieces', She felt 'peace'.

She is convenient like that.

I asked, how you did that, she said "Oh! It's easy man!."

And explained me the charm, which is
The Patronus Charm (Expecto Patronum) the most famous and one of the most powerful defensive charms known to wizardkind/mankind.It is the primary protection against Dementors and Lethifolds, to which there is no other protection.

And she also explained how it actually works.

You just have to focus all your energies towards the negatives,and think about all the petty mundane things and build a dam of negativity to keep away all the positive thoughts out of your sight and mind, and keep telling yourself that it is all bullshit, all the disturbing thoughts, all those clouds of doubts, all those pretty pictures you had for a friction of second, they all are but naughts.

And you have to repeat these negative thoughts in your mind time and again like some kind of movie marathon.

And whenever you feel chaos in your mind or have that feeling of headthrob, think of all the negative things that could have happened and focus your energies on negatives and wear it like a mask.

You have to camouflage yourself with this eternal peace and put a smiling face and than that day is not far when you forget who you really were, and you will become the person that you were camouflaging to be (which will not be real you, but who cares!).

And that is when you realize the power of charm.

In parallel world.

Friend of mine is going through real lows in her life, the hunt for the suitable groom seems to be a never ending task.She and her parents and bhabhi are going great guns but all in vain. They have tried all Jeevansathi, shaadi.com, simply marry and what not.

All these sites offer is a great magnitude of bullshit.

So she came across this great site "Rishto ka sansar".

And she sent me the link to check it out and believe you me! I was literally rolling on floor laughing at the very name of the site "Rishto ka sansar".

I called her and laughed some more and asked her why on earth are you becoming such a burden on your parents that they are making desperate efforts to parcel you away.

I mean really. "RISHTO KA SANSAR".

They are going this far.

I told her to keep calm "Que, Sera, Sera".

Peace. Chaos. Repeat.

Oh dear lord! have some mercy !

Each day she goes through this ordeal

Convincing herself that it is all ephemeral 

Sooner than later it will all be over.

All she need is few interventions and she just need to keep herself busy to shoo away all the disturbing notions and unclog her mind. 

There are moments,at times there are hours, and at times there are days where she successfully convince herself that everything is fine, she is happy and she has bright future awaiting her. She convince herself that she has chosen the correct path and she is being bad for a greater good.

And in a blink of an eye.

There are moments, hours and days wherein she finds herself in a chaos of thoughts,where the clouds of doubts blankets her like dementors,where it becomes a mammoth task for her to unthink a thought, she once had.

Everything seems like going downhill expect for her to look at ease and peace which becomes an uphill task.

Dear lord!, cut the games and either give her peace or give her courage to pursue the chaos.

She may be the beauty or the beast
May be the famine or the feast
May turn each day into a heaven or a hell
She may not be what she may seem inside her shell.

Victim of Optimism

I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

I have been suffering from this syndrome since long.

I am someone who is caught up in dreams and fantasies and sometimes in my head I go so far away that I forget anything else ever existed.

If people do or say something for me, I take them very seriously and think that, they meant what they said and did; and knit the future based on their words and actions but more often than not, they put me down and I know for sure that the fault is in me because I start to expect way too much from them or may be because I am ready to do way too much than I expect from them, maybe my condition is akin to that boy who waters the plant and didn't know when to stop, as he has not learned when to stop giving.


I did some introspection and found out that..
I am an outgoing introvert because...

I am not anti-social,I am selectively social and in all possibilities I like people but than I filter them based on their actions and words and how they treat others.

I have two (maybe three) best friends who are my entire life.I am not a “group of friends” person. I can’t keep up with all that and sometimes I retreat into three days of complete solitude to recover from excess socialising.

At times I go out of the way to avoid people, but when I inevitably have to interact with them,I make it seem like there’s nothing in the world I’d rather be doing.

And people accuses me of being flirty with everybody, which is hilarious, because in reality, I can only tolerate like four people.

At times I am at my socializing best where in I will be tweeting and status updating every five minutes… or other times I just deactivate my accounts for weeks.

I am happiest in places like coffee shops and cafés: surrounded by people, but still closed off and keeping to myself.

I prefer to travel alone,with music in my ears and a good book to read but meet up with people once I am there.

It took me forever to figure out that I am an introvert. And when I tell people, even my closest family members, and friends that I am “actually just shy” they pause, and then their eyes go big, and they go: “Oh my god you so are, you social butterfly!”


 I live somewhere between the optimism of my dreams, and pessimism of her reality, and yet someday we shall have our equinox. 
Someday.

Use Future And Escape Present

“Imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia.You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you'll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.”

This is what, we all do.
We use the future to escape the present.

We always have a rosy picture of future in our minds, and for that rosy picture we give up on present.
However pleasant the present may look, but we will find an escape.

Just like, few people save money to live a good life.{escapist}
and other people spend money to live a good life.

But I beg to differ mi lord!

I take all those carpedium quotes very seriously.
I am staunch believer of seizing the day.

Since the life that you have is borrowed,
Because you are not promised tommorow.

I think its a terrible thing to wait until you are ready, because nobody is ever ready to do anything.
there is almost no such thing as ready, there is only now.And you may as well do it now.

NOW is as good a time as any.

O Belle!

Yesterday I saw her, with that kohl in her eyes, and words flowed like never before.

Here is my modest attempt at poetry. 

Listen to me 

O belle kohl-eyed!

Thou beauty an artist's rendition

The god's own work of precision

A fair play of beauty and charm

A balanced display

Of satiation and ambition...

A breeze of innocence

A blossom of love

A storm of courage

Of peace, a dove...

Through days uncounted

Through nights undated

Through sighs unheard

Through pains unabated...

I wait for you..