Hopeless

Shimmering lights, fireworks, blast of crackers, liquor in car's trunk,band playing music in a cacophonous sound, and the generators were contributing their bit to the cacophony, road filled with dancing homosapiens, Gandhiji's face flying in the air and lying on the road, kids from the road and band's folks fighting hard for them, and the pity mare all dressed up in gaudy cloths and bearing the weight of the lucky bustard.

All this and much more were nearing a venue  where an old man with his two sons standing  tall, with smile plastered on his face, all sweaty in his black bandhgala and host of girls were standing right behind them and were laughing and giggling with garlands and flowers and perfumes to welcome the lucky bustard along with his folks.

She was sitting inside the room, with her earlobes bearing the weight of the gold earrings, with the massive dupatta over her head and from the middle parting of her hair a gem studded tika was resting on her small forehead which she is trying to adjust every now and then and her neck adorning the multiple jewel sets, her hands were all covered not with the oil paints but with the auburn colour from tip of her fingers till her elbows, her wrists were heavy with the weight of the bangles and kalere was hanging in between the bangles and with great ease she was maintaining the hefty lehnga.

Her lips were dry with the thirst and anxiety, her heart was pounding and her head was telling everything is gonna be alright. She peered into mirror and saw the mole on the right side of her upper lip and smiled slyly.

Her mother came and took her out for the ceremony.

And a boy was standing on the other side of the road taking long drags from his nth cigarette, waiting for a miracle.

And Then...

Anyways I want that, when I place those fingers on the tabs, I want words to flow. Thoughts to speak themselves out. Moments to be captured and images to form. People to come alive, right there. 

But...

Cake on a plate, hair on the head, fruits in the courtyard, best apparel in the closet, a woman by your side,big car in the porch. You can never have it all. 

But whos goes what in dreaming? Dreams can capture. And they are free of cost. And they are between you and you alone. 

And other day I dreamt  about us.
I dreamt you standing by the canvas with your hands covered in colours and your were biting your lower lip while giving the touch up to the painting and you asked me to adjust your hair and while doing it I tickled your belly and pecked the back of your neck and you elbowed my tummy and said and "Not now" and asked me about the painting and after observing  it closely I mimicked you "Not now" and then you put your coloured hand all over my face.

And then I checked my mobile it was 3:47 in the morning.

And then I thought about the combination of these two words(AND THEN...)is so definitive in nature.

Like...

And then... They met.

And then... They fall.

And then... They kissed.

And then... They eloped.

And then... They moved to Neverland.

And then... They had kids.

And then... They read stories together.

And then... They lived happily ever after.

(If only happy ever after did exist.)

And then...

Metaphor

Metaphor

She was passing by the nursery and saw this beautiful plant, studed with a flower.

So,she went inside and had a close look, and saw the beautiful flower and green leaves with dew on them and the broken pot which holds the plant. 

She got mesmerized by the plant and its sheer attractiveness and she went back home, with the thoughts, that how beautiful it will look in her home, she thought that she will place it right beside her bed and will enjoy the sight of the plant every morning when she wakes up and will kiss the plant goodnight every night.

Next day in the morning she went back to the nursery and ask the plant 

"Can I take you home?"

Plant thought for a minute and replied 

"Sure, you can take me. But a lot of care is to be taken for a plant to survive. You know... proper sunlight, water and everything. Will you be able to do all this?"

She remained silent for couple of minutes and replied "WHAT IF I SAY YES!"

This brought the plant to shine in its full bloom and it started thinking what a bliss it will be to livewith someone who loves you, even when you are placed in a broken pot.

She spoke again and told the plant about her syndrome, wherein she crushes the flower when she sees it,in its full bloom. She has this tendency of not being able to see anything at its pinnacle.

To which the plant replied "I am ready for my flowers to get crushed as long as you never get rid of me."

She thought about it and said "Look, dear plant my home doesn't have proper sunlight and sufficient arrangements to water you everyday,which may have adverse effects on your growth."

To which the plant replied "I am ready for my growth to get stunted as long as you never get rid of me."

She got smitten by retorts of the plant and she thought pretty hard about it and decided to take the plant to her home.

And she asked the plant" Till when will you continue to give flowers?"

Plant asked"Do you fear oblivion?"

She said"Yes, i do."

Plant replied "Well remember there will come a time when all of us are dead. All of us. There will come a time when there are no living beings remaining to remember that anyone ever existed or that our species ever did anything. There will be no one left to remember Aristotle or Cleopatra, let alone my flowers.Everything that we did and built and wrote and thought and discovered will be forgotten and all of this will have been for naught. Maybe that time is coming soon and maybe it is millions of years away, but even if we survive the collapse of our sun, we will not survive forever. There was time before organisms experienced consciousness, and there will be time after. And if the inevitability of oblivion worries you, I encourage you to ignore it. God knows that’s what everyone else does."

This made her love the plant even more.

And they lived happily ever after.

Or maybe they didn't.

One fine day she was caressing the plant and admiring the beauty of its flowers and its stems and leaves and suddenly her finger got strucked by the thorn and it started bleeding and shouted in pain and cursed the plant for hurting her.

She got ferocious and said " You two faced plant,your intentions were to hurt me from the very beginning.You hide you thorns inside and appears to be plant with a flower to attract others, this was all the part of your plan to hurt me."

Plant replied" My dearest love, how can you forget that evey rose has a thorn, and I have mine. When you took me home, all you were looking at was the flower and leaves and you turn your blind eye to the thorn and now you blame me.

Oh dear! Let me remind you the fault is in the blamer, spirit seeks nothing to blame."

On listening to this she even turn her deaf ear and got even more ferocious and crushed the flower and threw away the plant on the road.

And she lived happily ever after.

While plant bites the dust.

"For each man kills the thing he loves,

Yet each man does not die."

Quid Pro Quo

She asked me "What do you want to do?"

I said "I wanna throw stones".

"At what?"

"At the lake".

And than.

We picked up the pebbles and started throwing them in the lake, and suddenly there were enormous ripples in the water.

And we sat down and watched the ripples.

I said  "See that's what happens when you hurl stones in the silent waters of a lake which is surrounded by walls and it gets excited and you enjoy the current, which will last pretty long as compared to ripples in river which is without boundaries and flows without giving a damn and than when you are done throwing stones, you walk away, while lake is still immersed in its ripples."

Thats what happens with me,I am like that silent water and someone walks in my life and hurl stones and enjoy the ripples and excitement in me and when they are done, they simply walk away, cursing me to be a still and stale water.

She shook me by the shoulder and said "Get over that girl! Man!, maybe there is someone better waiting for you, or may be not." And than she winked with her tongue out.

"And see, till now God has given you the best of everything and He will continue his grace."

I said "Amen" and sipped some filtered South Indian coffee from my cup, and she dranks from her and we sat silently surrendering ourselves to the overwhelming sunset.

Orange sun was looking magnificent so was its reflection in the water, adding beauty to this was chirping of birds and the cold breeze was silently whispering in my ears "Winter has come" and in my heart I replied to the breeze "If winter comes, can summer be far behind", and I smiled and she looked at me and smiled and asked "You okay now?"

I smiled again.

And that's how you know, your sibling understand everything even when you say nothing.

She told me to follow the quid pro quo in life and be happy.

 She also said that "Your girl might not love you at all, and the things she said were just for kicks, or maybe she loves you and has her  problems which no one can understand."

I asked " Why is it so easy for girls to move-on in life and turn so cold hearted." and gave bunch of examples.

She ruffled my hairs and smiled and said " You sound hurt my brother. Since when you started believing in such bullshit."  and she quoted Mark Twain "All generalization are false, including this one."

I asked "Why does it hurts so much."
She said "It hurts because it mattered to you."
I said" Maybe, that's the thing about pain, its demands to be felt... But what is the way out of labyrinth of suffering."
She said "The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive."

And than again we were silent.

I took out my mobile and played "Half of my heart."

And started singing loudly along with John Mayer

"Half of my heart's got a real good imagination

Half of my heart's got you

Half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you

that half of my heart won't do."

Complicated

A deception that elevates us is dearer than a host of low truths.

He is smart. She is simple.He is shy. She is sweet. He is witty. She is over powering. He has gone places. She is stuck up. He is slow. She is snappy. He is always miles away form his family.She is a doting daughter. He is difficult.She is unsure. He is happy for her. She's thinking about the work at her desk. He is waiting. She has moved on.He is a guy. She is a woman.

'Its complicated'

His dairy.

I need a break. I need a cottage. I need the colour green. I need the sound of water.I need paintings by Van Gough and Marc Chaggal to adorn my walls. I need a good book. I need dead music. If a song doesn't soothe me down, it is not a song to me. I need it to be gloomy. I need gray skies overhead. I need life to simply slow down, take it easy. I need myself to count every breath I breathe. I need the soft sound of anklets.I need multi colour tiny flags wavering in the air on a string. I need a courtyard. I need summer. I need rain. I need another Me for company.

You know, sometimes you wish for a lot of things? This that this that...and in the back of your mind who have this tiny voice chanting 'You'r never going to get it you'r never going to get it you'r never going to get it' ? Happens to me all the time. 

Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night and thought about your life? 

It is just so random, but I think the most when I am at public places like coffee shops, cafés, streets, malls, railway stations etcetera. I see those 'eeeewwww' type girls and wonder what it would be like to be married to them? 

Repulsive. 

Dil 20 13 80 20 Tere

(In my dreams) I spoke to her last night. And it hit me like ice cold water. Too much and too many people have moved on. No, they'r just running in different directions. And I'm there. On a chair. Blogging.

And I thought about the story we read together.

Being a leaf or a twig must be what joy means. You don't even have to worry about a thing. And one day when you fall, you won't even scrape your knee. You'll simply lie there...not a soul will bother you.

Sitting here seeing things from galss door. I see things speed by. Without you, it all seems slow, it all seems parched. I hate to admit I'm falling apart. I'd rather be hurt than feel nothing without you.

And than i turn my chair to other side,and laugh at a joke not even half as funny, eyes elsewhere, but the mind, it was this close to you. You had just walked across to get to the other side, using me. I never missed the twinkle in those eyes after you got here. And oddly, I'd build a million bridges for you to cross over if it only got a twinkle in those eyes. I want you to be gone with the wind...And never come back. I can't let you make me go weak in the knees.

Or else.If you want, If you can.

We can run away, forever. I'm on a boat and only short of direction. I need you to guide me. I'v lost you to time, I'v lost you to space. I won't let us drift apart. Apart, we aren't complete. You can either complete us, or complicate us.

Eulogy For the Living

Sitting by the lake on a full moon night, in the stillness of the water moon is shining in its full bloom, and the clear sky was all star studded,cool breeze was giving shivers, and in the bushes around insects were creating cacophony which was getting subdued by rustle of fallen leaves in the wind and an obsolete boat was stranded in the middle of the lake along the pole on which birds were enjoying their nap.

I was sitting on the raised platform with my hands resting on the railing and my chin on my hands, plethora of thoughts oscillating in my mind and with each oscillation I was having goosebumps, "The Big Red Book" was lying in my lap and this poem 

"An eye is meant to see things.

The soul is here for its own joy.

A head has one use: For loving a true love.

Feet: To chase after.

Love is for vanishing into the sky. The mind,

for learning what men have done and tried to do.

Mysteries are not to be solved: The eye goes blind when it only wants to see why.

A lover is always accused of something.

But when he finds his love, whatever was lost

in the looking comes back completely changed."

was doing wonders.

I was in two minds and was not able to decide is it the time to give up or to try harder, maybe this is giving me goosebumps or maybe it is the chill in the air.

But, after lot of arguing with my alter ego and ifs and buts and whens and wheres and what nots, i fathomed that it's useless and will be vain to force someone, because if there is even an iota of truthfulness in the feelings, love will find its ways and if not, than I should not mind losing someone who was never mine.

And all this, should not deter me from expressing what you mean to me.

I don't understand why do we wait for someone's passing to talk about how amazing they were. An eulogy for somenone who cant even hear what you are saying.

Maybe there would be less pain hurt suffering wondering and suicides if we eulogise the living. Start now when when your words can have the most impact. Eulogise those who mean the most to us before they leave us.Save you stress and hurtful words for the inanimate. 

Never have to worry about  saying I wish or did they know how I love them.

Don't  live with regrets.
Our lives all end,
we just don't  know when.

All In One Deep Breathe

Wake up. Struggle. Fiddle. Hit snooze. Wake up. Smile. Groggy. Frown. Smile. Muddled. Wake up. Bend forward at the mirror. Dreams. Catch them. Re-live them. Headache. Blank dreams. Wake up. Mental to-do list. Food. Eat. Drink. Food. Water. Cold Water. The world in a newspaper. Bizarre. Straightface. Interesting. Horoscope. Read and forget. Work. Travel. Exchange strange looks. Eavesdrop. Music. Crowd. Sweat and pain. Virus. Disease. Workplace. College. Class. School. People. More people. More people. And people. Motion. Movement. Slow. Fast. Stop. Think. Move. But never fast forward. Money. Jingle of coins. Crisp notes. Torn notes. Hi. Hello. No hello. Doodles. Numbers. Alphabets. Words. Sentences. Stories. Yawn. Infatuation. Blush. Exchange looks. Twirl hair. Shy. Open. Direct. One way. Dialogue. Monologue. Noise. Air. Time. Time. Time. Rush. Push. Nudge. Work your way up. Work your way in. Work your way out. Music. Food. Sleep. Smile. Lone. Wait. Patience. Hold hands. Short walks. Through lanes and longer routes. Warmth. Love. Dark. Silent. Workload. Food. People. People. People. Re-live. Like. Dislike. Love. Hate. Make love. Make money. Make happiness. Make awesome babies. Die.

Jab Tak Hai Jaan

She asked me : Kab tak?
I said: Jab tak hai jaan...
            Jab tak hai jaan.
And she smiled and said: Filmy...Ekdum.

Your eyes, mischievous and saline.
Your laugh, an airy insolence.
Your hair, waves undone and shine.
I will not forget this memory rife.
Until I breathe this life.
Until I breathe this life.

Your hand slipping from mine
Your shadow turning its gaze, walking away..
Without turning into a haze
I will not forgive this memory rife
Until I breathe this life
Until I breathe this life

Your dancing heedless in the rain
Your gentle furies raging
Over little things, in vain
Your childish naughty ways
I will love you, through my days
Until I breathe this life
Until I breathe this life

Your promises lie torn
The torment of my thoughts
Seething flames that mourn
The ashes of my heart
Your brutal prayers have wrought
I will always scorn, this burning strife
Until I breathe this life
Until I breathe this life.

Love.

Love.
Damn!
That's the most wrongly used word I reckon.

Conditional love.Unconditional love.

Fulfilled love. Unfulfilled love.

Found love. Lost love.

Ugly love. Lovely love.

Celibatic love. Lustfull love.

Fake love. Real love.

Temporary love. Permanent love.

Neighbour love. Long distance love.

Her love. My love.
....in that order.

Of all the above,what's bugging my mind most is...

Conditional love.Unconditional love.

Really. I mean like really.
Is there anything like conditional love.It befuddles me. That's something beyond my feeble mind.So, I did some introspection and some retrospection but in vain, because I can't even vaguely remember loving someone conditionally.
Its like saying..
I love you if only you look good.
I love you if only behave properly.
I love you if only you care for me.
I love you if only you use right words.
I love you if only you act smart.
I love you if only you love me back...
Etcetera.

Truth be told... Such a love should be quashed at the very nascent stage. Because its not true for sure.
Its more like you have fallen for half of the person, just the good side not for the whole.
And its the easiest god damn thing to do.. To love someone for their good part, and soon as the bad part is visible you just fall out, and start to blame the person.

As Rumi said: Fault is in the blamer, spirits seeks nothing to blame.

Whereas true love is when you love the person as a whole, not just the case of pick and choose the good. Its more about loving the unlovable side, loving their syndrome embracing their faults and seeing the good out of it, come what may.

May be you can tag as victim of optimism, for only focussing on good part and seeing the good in bad.

There are lot of things to be mediocre in life, love should not be one of them.

And I can't stop myself from sharing this beautiful piece of writing by my favourite Khalil Gibran.

When love beckons to you follow him, Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him, Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height  and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth...... 

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure, Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor, Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears. Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love. And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself."

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires: To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love; And to bleed willingly and joyfully. 

Oh Dear Mind!

Oh dear mind

Take some rest.

First you make me imagine beautiful things,

Than you make me see the bitter truth.

First you make me write satiating lines,

Than you make me make poor choice of words..

First you make me dream the dreamy dreams,

Than you make me see the ugly reality.

First you make see the magic in her eyes,

Than you make me see the demons inside me.

At times you overpower the stupid heart,

And at times you surrender to its whims.

At times you act so wise,

And at times you turn so dumb.

At times you take me to pinnacles,

And at times you throw me to pits.

At times you are overwhelmed,

And at times you turn so cold...

Oh my dear mind!

Now you must be tired of all this humdrum.

I urge you take some rest..

Stupid Rekha!

She has been making a fucking mess in my mind through my ears by singing "Phir le aya dil"... 

Damn that song.

Damn you Sayeed Quadri(lyricist).

And you stupid, stupid Rekha Bhardwaj.

Oh man! "Phir le aya dil" is on the loop since eternity. I so wanna stop listening to it.

But "Ki karan... Control nai hunda".

Is it a sad song: "nay".

Is it a happy song: "nay".

This is just a in-between song.

This is the song the defines my state of mind or maybe her's as well.

Raas na aya rehna door.

Really raas na aya. And damn what the heart wants. Damn what the heart says.

It is taking its toll on my life.

Kismat ko yehi manzoor kya kije

Milte rahe hum badastoor kya kije

This line especially is like hitting the bullseye.

Why kismat? Why? I wanna ask you. Why on earth are you playing such games.

And if there is anything left to burn, or be destroyed.

This line 

Usko mussalsal kar bhi aao wo jo aadhuri se aas baki hai 

Is putting more fuel to all ready raging fire.

Patronus

My head says - "Who cares..."
But then my heart whispers -"You do...Stupid"

She said Expecto Patronum and  suddenly everything seems to be at right place and all dementors ran for their money along with all the worrisome and disturbing thoughts and all the clouds of doubts drifted away and she is headed toward perpetually eternal peace.

Today, even if you come throw stones at her, she'll  simply duck and smile. Mostly, cause she is at peace. She is at peace. You say 'war', she say 'peace'. You are 'pissed', She is 'peaced'. They ate 'pieces', She felt 'peace'.

She is convenient like that.

I asked, how you did that, she said "Oh! It's easy man!."

And explained me the charm, which is
The Patronus Charm (Expecto Patronum) the most famous and one of the most powerful defensive charms known to wizardkind/mankind.It is the primary protection against Dementors and Lethifolds, to which there is no other protection.

And she also explained how it actually works.

You just have to focus all your energies towards the negatives,and think about all the petty mundane things and build a dam of negativity to keep away all the positive thoughts out of your sight and mind, and keep telling yourself that it is all bullshit, all the disturbing thoughts, all those clouds of doubts, all those pretty pictures you had for a friction of second, they all are but naughts.

And you have to repeat these negative thoughts in your mind time and again like some kind of movie marathon.

And whenever you feel chaos in your mind or have that feeling of headthrob, think of all the negative things that could have happened and focus your energies on negatives and wear it like a mask.

You have to camouflage yourself with this eternal peace and put a smiling face and than that day is not far when you forget who you really were, and you will become the person that you were camouflaging to be (which will not be real you, but who cares!).

And that is when you realize the power of charm.

In parallel world.

Friend of mine is going through real lows in her life, the hunt for the suitable groom seems to be a never ending task.She and her parents and bhabhi are going great guns but all in vain. They have tried all Jeevansathi, shaadi.com, simply marry and what not.

All these sites offer is a great magnitude of bullshit.

So she came across this great site "Rishto ka sansar".

And she sent me the link to check it out and believe you me! I was literally rolling on floor laughing at the very name of the site "Rishto ka sansar".

I called her and laughed some more and asked her why on earth are you becoming such a burden on your parents that they are making desperate efforts to parcel you away.

I mean really. "RISHTO KA SANSAR".

They are going this far.

I told her to keep calm "Que, Sera, Sera".

Peace. Chaos. Repeat.

Oh dear lord! have some mercy !

Each day she goes through this ordeal

Convincing herself that it is all ephemeral 

Sooner than later it will all be over.

All she need is few interventions and she just need to keep herself busy to shoo away all the disturbing notions and unclog her mind. 

There are moments,at times there are hours, and at times there are days where she successfully convince herself that everything is fine, she is happy and she has bright future awaiting her. She convince herself that she has chosen the correct path and she is being bad for a greater good.

And in a blink of an eye.

There are moments, hours and days wherein she finds herself in a chaos of thoughts,where the clouds of doubts blankets her like dementors,where it becomes a mammoth task for her to unthink a thought, she once had.

Everything seems like going downhill expect for her to look at ease and peace which becomes an uphill task.

Dear lord!, cut the games and either give her peace or give her courage to pursue the chaos.

She may be the beauty or the beast
May be the famine or the feast
May turn each day into a heaven or a hell
She may not be what she may seem inside her shell.

Victim of Optimism

I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

I have been suffering from this syndrome since long.

I am someone who is caught up in dreams and fantasies and sometimes in my head I go so far away that I forget anything else ever existed.

If people do or say something for me, I take them very seriously and think that, they meant what they said and did; and knit the future based on their words and actions but more often than not, they put me down and I know for sure that the fault is in me because I start to expect way too much from them or may be because I am ready to do way too much than I expect from them, maybe my condition is akin to that boy who waters the plant and didn't know when to stop, as he has not learned when to stop giving.


I did some introspection and found out that..
I am an outgoing introvert because...

I am not anti-social,I am selectively social and in all possibilities I like people but than I filter them based on their actions and words and how they treat others.

I have two (maybe three) best friends who are my entire life.I am not a “group of friends” person. I can’t keep up with all that and sometimes I retreat into three days of complete solitude to recover from excess socialising.

At times I go out of the way to avoid people, but when I inevitably have to interact with them,I make it seem like there’s nothing in the world I’d rather be doing.

And people accuses me of being flirty with everybody, which is hilarious, because in reality, I can only tolerate like four people.

At times I am at my socializing best where in I will be tweeting and status updating every five minutes… or other times I just deactivate my accounts for weeks.

I am happiest in places like coffee shops and cafés: surrounded by people, but still closed off and keeping to myself.

I prefer to travel alone,with music in my ears and a good book to read but meet up with people once I am there.

It took me forever to figure out that I am an introvert. And when I tell people, even my closest family members, and friends that I am “actually just shy” they pause, and then their eyes go big, and they go: “Oh my god you so are, you social butterfly!”


 I live somewhere between the optimism of my dreams, and pessimism of her reality, and yet someday we shall have our equinox. 
Someday.

Use Future And Escape Present

“Imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia.You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you'll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.”

This is what, we all do.
We use the future to escape the present.

We always have a rosy picture of future in our minds, and for that rosy picture we give up on present.
However pleasant the present may look, but we will find an escape.

Just like, few people save money to live a good life.{escapist}
and other people spend money to live a good life.

But I beg to differ mi lord!

I take all those carpedium quotes very seriously.
I am staunch believer of seizing the day.

Since the life that you have is borrowed,
Because you are not promised tommorow.

I think its a terrible thing to wait until you are ready, because nobody is ever ready to do anything.
there is almost no such thing as ready, there is only now.And you may as well do it now.

NOW is as good a time as any.

O Belle!

Yesterday I saw her, with that kohl in her eyes, and words flowed like never before.

Here is my modest attempt at poetry. 

Listen to me 

O belle kohl-eyed!

Thou beauty an artist's rendition

The god's own work of precision

A fair play of beauty and charm

A balanced display

Of satiation and ambition...

A breeze of innocence

A blossom of love

A storm of courage

Of peace, a dove...

Through days uncounted

Through nights undated

Through sighs unheard

Through pains unabated...

I wait for you..

Kuch Baat...

Ek din maine usse kaha
Tujhse kuch baat karni hai,


Wo boli,bata kya baat karni hai
Mai thoda Sa ghabraya,
Thoda Sa sharmaya
Aur kuch samjh na aya,
Ke baat kya karni hai.


Aur maine yuhin keh diya
Kuch bhi, sab kuch, bahut kuch, aur kuch bhi nahi...


Is par wo boli, kitna asatyabhas(paradox) hai tu,
Sach kyu nahi batata kya baat karni hai.


Maine apni bhavnaon ko tatola,
Aur apne mann ko jhakola
Parantu shabdo ka chayan na kar paya.


Aur maine usse likh diya
Priytama ye to mujhe bhi nahi pata ke baat kya karni.


Par itna pata hai,
Jo bhi karni hai,
Tujhse hi karni hai...


Kuch bhi, sab kuch, bahut kuch, aur kuch bhi nahi...

Dilruba

It was just like any other weekend and we decided to go to Nuremberg to play Lazermax.We took a train from Ingolstadt to Nuremberg. There we were,three of us, desi guys.

We went inside the indoor sports complex to buy tickets and coupons.

I went to the ticket counter and there was nobody as it was early in the morning and they have just opened and after a minute or two girl from a distance waved to me and gestured me to wait, and as she came nearer my jaw touched the ground.

She said "hello sir",
and with a stammering voice I replied.
Three tickets for lazermaxx.
30 euros please.
While I was stumbling with my wallet.
She asked cash or card.
I winked and said both.
She giggled.
And I gave her the card.

She was grand by far.
Must be 5"7 or 5"8.
Pink as plumb, with black hairs.
Big almond shape eyes, with bushy eyebrows.
Collarbone was shinning under the spaghetti straps of her red top.
And a bodacious rack.

My feet were not ready to move an inch away from her.I was in complete awe of her beauty.

My friends dragged me to the play.

But I cant take my eyes off of her.
And leaving the the lazermax in the middle, I went to the counter to talk to her.And I didn't know how to start the conversation but anyway I went to her.

And stared her for couple of minutes, and she saw me and smiled.I asked where is the wash-room.She smiled and showed me the board on her right.

I kept standing there, and asked her, "so where are you from".
She said "Istanbul and you? Espanol"
I said " Nah, I am from India".

This bought some glitter in her eyes and she told me her father is Indian too.
And this bought even shinier glitter in my eyes,
and I asked "what's your name?"

She said:"Dilruba".

I said "Abbas... Pleasure meeting you".
"Same here" she said, and went away to attend the counter.

And I left the complex along with my friends and came back to Ingolstadt only to frantically search her on fb.

And BAM!

There she is.I found her and sent the request.
And it took her two days to accept the request, for which I was on pins and needles.And than started the never ending conversation.And she told me everything about Turkey and how her parents got married and blah blah blah...

Truth be told,  I have fallen for Turkey and everything Turkish.

You Visit Germany and You Fall for Turkey!

Just For Fun!

Joel: I can't see anything that I don't like about you.
Clementine: But you will! But you will. You know, you will think of things. And I'll get bored with you and feel trapped because that's what happens with me.
Joel: Okay.
Clementine: [pauses] Okay.


She told him to forget her.

To forget anything ever existed between them.
To forget everything, just like he did in the past.

To forget.
As simple and as complex it may sound.

Simply, shift and delete everything.
Like she did in a blink of an eye.

As if, it was that easy for him.
As if, he didn't find the connection between them magical...

So, he asked her:
'Say you didn't mean anything you said'

She said:
'I didn't mean even an iota of what I said.
It was all for fun'

And he sent her a poem:

Forgive me,
If I stumble and fall,
For I know not how
to love too well,

I am clumsy,
and my words
do not form as I wish.

So let me kiss you instead,
and let my lips,
paint for you,
all the pictures
that my clumsy heart
cannot.

And.
BAM!

They both blocked each other and never talked.

And in a parallel world.

I just gifted myself a fortnight of travel break.

The break was like that hot cup of chai on a miserable rainy dreanchy morning.That works wonder for you.And now, even the thought of it makes me want to kiss my life like a lover.

I have spent so much of time in busy streets of different countries and different cities, sometimes in buses, other time in plane, sometimes under the sun,other time waiting for the sun to set,sometimes in the rain, other time running around for cover in the rain, crawling through art museums, cathedrals,canals, hogging on the doner kebabs, waffles, crêpes, falafel, gulping down coffee and hot chocolate. While at the streets cafes staying up through the night talking to strange strangers I'm sure I will never see again. :)

And  I now am back...

I can't wait to buy myself a tinnnnnnnny apartment and do it up myself. I want to have all that antique finishing with Remington typewriter on the table, bookshelf filled with hardbound copies of all classics, huge grandfather clock on the wall, old gramophone on the side table and one wall adorned with black and white family photos in tiny frames and other wall by starry nights by Van Gogh and La Marrie by Marc Chagall, and a rocking chair with giant hand rest,window overlooking seashore and flower vase with tulips in it.

All this and much more.

WHY AINT I A CHILD PRODIGY WHO IS ALREADY THE CEO OF SOME COMPANY? ;(

Or, I could become a conman. No, too much effort.

The smaller the house, the bigger the heart. Very true.

Chalbye!.